i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
