some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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