can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
