Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
where are my eyebrows?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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