happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
