Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
