if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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