I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
