yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
