i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
