I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
