my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
