bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
