Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
