I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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