I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
