I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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