Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
