if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I need help removing her.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
