Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
