you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
