Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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