i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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