Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
