I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
