I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Randomize
