let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
