It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
