cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
