Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
