i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
