You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
