I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
