I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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