She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Girls should come with a carfax report
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
