But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
