this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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