I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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