HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
