so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
