In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
