i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
