Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
