I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
