I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
