I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
