dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
