you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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