My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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