i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
