singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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