got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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