I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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